Oneness in Opposites

Even though my very intention of creating this site was to connect body and mind, in reality, I don’t actually practice it. Who has time to sit still, or breathe through stretches or feel the vibrations against your throat through chanting? Even when I do have time to do it, it’s rarely the first thing on my mind.

My mind.

My gorgeous, beautiful mind is amazing. It helps me cross the road without getting hit, it helps me navigate on my bicycle as I try to find the fastest and most beautiful route to work and it tells me why I’m happy or why I’m angry. I’m grateful for my mind but I often let it talk over and on top of my body and heart. And when you’re living a busy, stressful life in a patriarchal-built society, controlled by capitalism and consumerism, we need to listen to our bodies.

Last year I had a challenging conversation with my spiritual director around the concepts of femininity and masculinity. I told her that because I have been so programmed to believe that masculinity is far superior to femininity, I consciously and subconsciously have been attracted to people, sport and my own personal attributes that are more masculine in nature and, consequently, judge and avoid anything within the realm of femininity. My spiritual director gave me a number of suggestions in order to get in touch with the feminine aspects of myself but I wasn’t at a point in my life where I could really hear it or really wanted to.

This past week there has been a number of situations that has led me to reconsider these dualities or this yin and yang not only in society but within myself. I also found myself not wanting to separate myself into seemingly two units or two Alishas. Isn’t the very act of embracing my femininity making me ignore my masculinity? But it really hit a head when a coworker exerted his patronizing behavior over our team of women. He was, in a nutshell, fostering a hierarchical culture of disrespect and untrustworthiness. So when I came home last night I was fuming. How can we still live such a backward society, particularly in a progressive city like Melbourne? I knew I needed to go to my yoga studio for a session and as I was looking at the class list for the next day, I noticed a workshop called, In Her Wisdom. Immediately I felt a great tension overtake my body. The negativity I have associated with femininity for so long was bursting at the seams and, because of my reaction, I intrinsically knew I had to go. So I did.

It was 3 hours of blissful sharing of collective vulnerabilities, moving through the light in our wombs to our hearts, followed by thoughtful mantras given to us from North American Aboriginals who I wish I had learned about while I was living right beside them while I was growing up. At the end of the session we sang:

               Mama Devi Shri Mama Devi
               Mama Devi Shri Mama Devi
               Mama Devi Shri Mama Devi
               Mama Devi Shri Mama Devi

I wish I could remember the tones and notes we sang but it was one of the most beautiful sounds I have ever encountered. This song is about invoking the energy of the Divine Mother and I could feel the perfect balance of masculine and feminine notes complementing and heightening one another, vibrating throughout my body. It was nothing short than a mystical experience and it left me speechless, overwhelmed with emotion, sad that I fail to listen to my body, but grateful that I was able to enter so physically into oneness with the Divine Mother even if it was just for a moment.

And this is what this energy felt like: a sensation of unity of the whole body, the mind and the heart. I felt connected and opened to my vulnerability and it made me see the strength, beauty and wisdom of it all. It slowed my mind down so that the feedback from my body and heart informed my thinking and not the other way around.

I know I have both healthy and unhealthy masculine components in my life and in my body. I don’t need a definition or help finding my inner masculinity: it is obviously there. It is about learning how to let go of the toxic masculinity and integrate this new, found femininity with my already robust yet healthy masculinity. The church has for so long denied the body and (alongside the help of societal norms) I have learned to deny my curves, my sexuality and my beauty. It will be a long journey towards reclaiming these pieces of myself and fostering new, positive associations with femininity. But to me, femininity is the strength to fall in love with ourselves over and over again and not to fall victim to the narratives around us. But most importantly, femininity can become an avenue, far too long ignored, where we can begin to experience Oneness. A oneness that never separates the masculine from the feminine but integrates it all not just in the mind, but also by listening to our hearts and our bodies.

May you, too, feel this surge of overwhelming beauty.